January 20, 2010

One of the things that I wanted to do more in 2010 was blog more. So far, I haven't been all that great at keeping on top of it. You would think that it wouldn't be a problem though, with the amount of time I spend online. The last few months have definitely been full of suck. I am still in the process of getting better, I feel like I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. I am really excited to be able to get back to having a life. Well, before all of this happened I didn't really have all that much of a life. I worked a crappy job & it took a lot out of me. When I wasn't working I was at home, being lame. It wasn't any way to live, I know that now. I am one of those people that took advantage of my mobility. Then one day, it wasn't mine anymore. Now that I am getting better I am worried about a lot of other things, such as WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE?! I'm twenty-two & I have absolutely no clue what I am going to do with the rest of my life. I should go back to school. I have a lot to think about. A LOT.

Another One Bites The Dust

I was talking to friend last night about my current situation he just laughed & said that he was jealous that I get to stay home all day & watch movies. It's actually not as fun as you'd think. I never thought that something could control my life this much. What sucks even more is that nothing really happened to me, I just woke up one day with a pinched nerve that wouldn't quit. I try to stay as positive about it as much as possible which (after nearly four months of this) gets rather difficult. I have tried many different things, all of which HAVE helped (but only to a certain extent). The pain started in my back (I think it was early September) & has since spread down my left side (currently mostly effecting my butt/thigh area). I have tried acupuncture, massage, cupping, B12 injections & lots of other eastern medicine type stuff. Most recently I had been going to the chiropractor but in the last couple weeks I haven't seen any new progress. I was venting about it on twitter & a twitter friend of mine mentioned that she had dealt with something similar & that she had tried many different things, just like I had. It is nice to have someone to relate to when it comes to this. Makes me feel like i'm not over exaggerating the situation. I know that I'm not and I'm sure that nobody thinks that I am but it is just a little feeling that I get on the rear occasions that I go out with friends & have fun. One of the only things that has kept me sane is those escapes from my house. I am a very social person & being stuck inside away from everything drove me a little crazy. When I do go out I am very drugged up or I drink A LOT to mask the pain. It's a system that hasn't failed me yet but I know that it really isn't healthy & it should come to an end very soon. I have been off my pain killers for the last 2 days, the pain is still there but I know that if I wanted to go out for a walk I would need the pain killers to function properly. This is really no way to live. On Thursday I am going to this new place in White Rock. I am going to try Active Release Techniques, from what I have read it is similar to a chiropractor but deals with soft tissue instead of joint cracking. Here's hoping that it brings positive changes.

Optomism

The other night was a little dramatic, I know. But my 19 year old sister having chest pains scared the crap out of me. It turns out that she has inflamed lungs, probably from when she was sick last month. If she takes it easy and takes anti inflammatories then she should be fine. *sigh of relief*
Today is the day that I start eating healthier. Well, I will just stop eating bad things. I am still in search of that amazing will power that I had a few months ago. It was nice.

Goals for 2010:
- Be healthier
- Don't procrastinate (as much)
- Keep in/get back into contact with old friends
- BE MORE OUTGOING
- Go to more live shows
- Find an amazing job

There are more, I just can't think of them off the top of my head.

I know that i'm young but I am also getting to the stage in my life where all of my friends are either settled, getting married and/or having kids. I personally don't want the marriage/kids thing right now but I wouldn't say no to having a nice man in my life. Kinda hoping 2010 brings that along. I personally think that I have a lot to work on within myself before I get into anything serious but still. I would just like to know what it's like. I am the only 22 year old that I know that has never actually been in a relationship. Sure, I have met some almosts in the past but since the last almost was seeing me & another girl at the same time I have pretty much given up on it. That was last October, and that is sad to admit. I think this year I really just need to put myself out there, get over my insecurites & see what happens. With all of the people out there I am bound to meet someone, right? I don't know what 2010 will bring but I am being more optomistic this year.

Hospitals & Sad Reminders of 2009

I may not always get a long with my younger sister but the thought of her being in excruciating pain & in the hospital definitely made me burst into tears. We are 2 days into 2010 & I was hoping that this year wouldn't be filled with the same things that 2009 was. 2009 felt like a sucker punch in the gut. Sure, there were positive things that happened as well but a few years from now when I look back & think of 2009 I won't remember the small positive things, I will remember how upsetting it was to lose one of the most important people in my life. It has been almost 9 months & I don't think that I will ever get over it.

My sister is 19, 20 in less than 3 weeks. She is not supposed to have chest pains. She also isn't supposed to keep it from us when she does. She doesn't live @ home anymore so it's not like we see her on a regular basis. She was home for Christmas though. I have so many thoughts going through my head right now & there is nobody here to calm me down. *deep breathes*